"If thou hadst been here, my brother had not died."

Stephanie, my oldest sister, was found lifeless on the floor of her apartment on Dec. 25, 2018. In the days following, my younger sister would text me and say: "What if I would have done this... or that...maybe Stephanie would still be alive."

When death or tragedy strike, all of us wonder "what if..." or "only if...". We can't do that to ourselves. We are not omniscient. And no one is to blame. Life happens- good things and bad things; sometimes because of our choices, but most of the time, because we live in a very imperfect world with imperfect people and circumstances.

And so how do we make sense out of nonsensical situations? Sometimes we don't find the answers straight-away. But sometimes, glimpses of truth break through the nonsense and heartache. I had one of those moments today.

Today was our "Stake Conference". It is a worship gathering of all of the members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints congregations here in our Nor Cal community. One of the speakers was Sister Linda Hunt. She and her husband, President Truman Hunt preside over all of the missionaries serving in the California, San Jose mission. Sister Hunt recounted the description of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead found in the New Testament Book of John. In the record of John, we learn when Jesus heard of Lazarus' sickness, he didn't rush to his side straight-away. In fact, Jesus lingered in another city for several days. He told his disciples- "Our friend Lazarus sleepeth; but I go, that I may awake him out of sleep." With a sigh of relief, His disciples offered: "Lord, if he sleep, he shall do well." They didn't understand the Savior was speaking metaphorically. "Then said Jesus unto them plainly, Lazarus is dead."

John's account shares how both Mary and Martha, Lazarus' sisters share a sentiment we all have when sadness comes..."if only, what if..." "Then said Martha unto Jesus, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died." Jesus replies: "Thy brother shall rise again." Martha assumed Jesus was speaking of the resurrection- which is true in part. But Jesus was also speaking of in this life, immediately, before the resurrection. The Savior- Jesus Christ, their family friend was going to raise Lazarus from his death of four days! Sister Hunt in her retelling of this account shared: Mary and Martha were seeing with their natural eyes- what they saw in front of them, then and there- Lazarus was dead. But Jesus Christ is omniscient and knew the full story- the eternal story. Lazarus would rise and live that very day.

My epiphany came when I realized I had been seeing with my "natural eyes" in contrast to the Savior's eternal perspective. Said He, "And I am glad for your sakes that I was not there, to the intent ye may believe." If Jesus didn't allow Lazarus to die, no miracle would have been performed that day. Like Lazarus, Stephanie's death came as a trial, but it also provided an array of seemingly small yet extraordinary miracles and tender mercies-- "to the intent ye (I) may believe." Stephanie will not be raised from her death today, but she will rise again. My miracle wasn't the raising of Stephanie's body four days after her death. My miracle was in the witnessing of the goodness of family, friends, strangers and the healing of hearts. Possibly, the greatest miracle is in my increased desire to trust in God and follow the Savior.

"For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known." 1Corinthians 13:12

Stephanie Kathryn Tracy, Jan 27, 1963 - Dec. 25, 2018

Jennifer Thompson Sandke, Jan. 29, 1974 - Mar. 17, 2018

Royal Kent Walker, Feb. 28, 1941 - Sept. 1, 2017