Through a Glass Darkly

I've been reading this book my sister sent me for my Birthday.  I like it. I like it because the author has some sound insight and I've had an epiphany while reading.

The book is about perspective. Our circumstances don't have to change in life, we need to change our perspective. Life can be painful and mundane. And if we are cynical and feel sorry for ourselves, we will live a very looooooong sad life. And those around us will feel our life is three times as loooooong. The author suggests our perspective should be the perspective of a heavenly parent. We should strive to see our lives through God's eyes. When we see our lives through tainted glasses of envy, comparison and fear, we lose our heavenly perspective.

I've always considered helping my kids very minimally with school projects a wise parenting choice. Yet, most times, I would come to school and feel shamed. I'll never forget Sarah's county project in Miss Kenny's 4th grade class. She had a flimsy poster board with her hand writing and some printed descriptions with black and white printed pictures. The other kids had sturdy fancy tri-fold posters, color printer pictures and candy or food as a part of their display! The next thing I knew, I was at the nearest grocery store and minutes later, returning to school with a bag of tootsie rolls to hand out to all those that passed by Sarah's project.

Fast forward eight years---Scott and I are sitting at Senior Honor's Night watching the same group of students receive ALL of the honors. Now, Sarah is a vigilant student and will graduate with honors. However, when the same boy was awarded every award/honor/scholarship (three scholarships BTW and one for $20,000)! I started to lose my perspective and had thoughts like: "Yeah, I bet his mom has connections with all of those organizations that is why he got those scholarships." By dissing his mother's motives and parenting skills, I thought I would feel better about myself, but I didn't.

I have had similar thoughts when I hear a parent has "made" their son get his Eagle scout award. Or when parents have gone to extremes, so their child can study piano, take dance or experience football camp. I've always thought- "Oh, poor parent, they are living out their wanna-be dream through their kid." And even more sad, "Poooooor kid, he has to live out his parents' dream of what could have been."

But as I read this morning, I had a different thought. Maybe, just maybe, these parents are doing exactly what the author Michelle Wilson is suggesting- seeing their children through God's eyes. These parents see their children's potential better than the child sees himself and so they encourage, suggest, rally and yes, even make their child get their Eagle scout award because they believe the child may start to see what they see, what God sees--an immense supply of potential.

Recently, I've questioned my motives for "encouraging" my kids to accomplish certain goals or tasks. I'm positive, my kids have questioned my motives as well. Am I looking at my children with fear, comparing them to others, comparing my parenting to others or...maybe, just maybe, I'm not as evil as they think?

 "For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known." 1 Corinthians 13:12

Easter Sunday

Today in church, Sister Livingston said;  "When I was little, I used to get "Sunday sick". I don't remember when I started finding joy in going to church."

I have similar feelings. I don't remember getting "Sunday sick", but I do remember, hiding in the girls bathroom stall- standing on the toilet seat to avoid getting caught; going to Baskin Robbins during Sunday
school and other Sunday transgressions too many to account in this post. But like Sister Livingston, I have found joy in going to church. There are Sundays when I am less than spiritual---yelling at my kids minutes before church is to begin: "GET IN THE CAR! We are late for church!" And when my kids were little, I used to wonder if I was really gleaning anything from my attendance since I was on the verge of going AWOL! And yet, I kept returning...

There are several reasons why screaming moms and tearful kids won't stop me from attending church on Sunday. First, I find strength associating with those of my faith. Often, I don't remember what was taught on Sunday, but I remember feeling loved by those of my congregational family and the love I have for them.  Second, as I participate in worship services, I feel not only my congregational family's love but God's love for me. Third, I usually have the opportunity to "get out of my comfort zone" by serving in some small aspect. I might sit by someone in Sunday school that I'm not accustomed to sitting- and instead of feeling, "Yay, me- I've made someone happy!" "The lonely one" has brightened my day!! And last, but not the least by any means, I love, but don't fully understand, God's work is at hand. As I partake of the sacrament, the physical representation of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ- the same symbol he introduced to His apostles the night before His crucifixion--"the power of Godliness is manifest".https://www.lds.org/topics/sacrament?lang=eng

Today, as I struggled to get to church after making preparations for Easter dinner, "encouraged" my kids to get ready and tackled getting ready myself, I had a poignant experience. Arriving at church alone, (the rest of my family left in the van without me) I sat in my pew still a bit frazzled and watched Sister Johnson walk softly into church. She lost her husband just two weeks ago to pneumonia. And minutes later, Judy with her fashionable wig and nose and mouth mask to protect her from complications of a compromised immune system from her chemotherapy treatments, walked purposely up to the front of the chapel and found her seat. 

I am so ever grateful not just Easter Sunday but every Sunday I can leave the world behind and seek the peace Sister Johnson and Judy were seeking; along with: joy, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, love, faith... https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/gal/5.22?lang=eng#21

I pray my kids will skip Baskin Robbins and get the straight scoop on joy!

NorCal goes SoCal

After a week stay at a cozy Laguna Beach cottage, it was hard to see Monday arrive. This was our last spring break together before Sarah sets off for college in the fall.

Hand over your cronut and nobody gets hurt!

We found a charming beach house on VRBO (Vacation Rentals By Owner) and it was just what we needed! We were able to cook meals, walk to the beach, snuggle in the most comfortable beds on the planet and discover/devour CRONUTS! Yep, that's right...next to the discovery of hydrogenated oil--this is the pastry chef's cash cow! I forced a smile as Jackie at the Donut shop said; "that will be $32".

Curse you, Cronut Man!

 

 I'm starting to understand why family vacations play such a big role in family unity. This past week was unique for Scott and I to be involved in the majority of our children's day. I know that doesn't sound extraordinary, but when kids go off to school and get involved in a bazillion different activities, it's a rare moment to sit with them...

As I reflect on our vacation, one of my favorite activities was the whale watching expedition. I've seen whales in the wild before...not to undermine the majesty of seeing animals in the wild, but I so loved snuggling with my kids, stroking their wind blown hair and holding their not so little hands.

Laguna beach cottage

Although, not too incredibly notable, we did experience a few mishaps on our hiatus.Scott most likely busted his toe when he dropped a bar stool on it. Sarah, Anna and Max got locked out of their downstairs beach house apartment and had to spend the night upstairs with the younger girls and mom and dad. I had to use "goo-be-gone" to get the mushed sticky figs off the bottom of my feet that I had stepped on at the beach. And Max possibly ate the world's record in stale popcorn at the local Laguna movie theater, which in turn gave him the world's record of stomachaches! We experienced no flat tires, no trips to the ER, no movie-star sightings, no near death experiences at the beach--although Sarah did sacrifice her new hoodie as she dove into the Pacific Ocean to rescue Natalie's new skim board. But-- we did have a family vacation and that was EXTRAORDINARY!!

The Master Bedroom at the cottage

Anna taking on the Pacific Ocean

Natalie and Max discovering the tide pools

Sadie building a fort

Cal-i-for-nia Gurls!

Youngest and oldest

M and M

Sea World and dead flesh eating fish

The skipper brave and sure

Five passengers set sail that day- (OK there's only three pictured)

For a three hour tour, a three hour tour--

The millionaire and his wife

The movie star, the professor and Mary Ann

  

Here on Gilligan's Island!

Swag

It's a "Mirror"acle!

I recently became a part of a catering company, along with three other woman whom I didn't know until six months ago. OK...not really a catering company- I have been asked to serve in our church's Young Women organization. 
http://www.lds.org/handbook/handbook-2-administering-the-church/young-women?lang=eng

Funeral potatoes

The Young Women and Young Men organization in our stake (A stake is a geographical subdivision similar to a Catholic diocese. A stake is composed of individual congregations called wards.) participated in a regional dance, aka; "Mormon Prom" last night in Oakland, California. As the stake Young Women Presidency (the catering company), we engaged our ninja catering skills to provide dinner before the prom, complete with the infamous potatoes known to be a part of many church gatherings specifically, funerals.




We were only prepared to decorate six tables. As we arrived,
we realized we needed to add one more table to accommodate the increasing number of youth. We hadn't prepared to decorate seven tables. As our preparations progressed, Rebecca said, "I only brought six pairs of salt and pepper shakers."  We continued our decorating and realized there were indeed seven pairs of salt and pepper shakers. We all giggled and compared the "miracle" to Biblical times. And as I type this, I still wonder if our prom dinner was significant enough to solicit a miracle. As our decorating was coming to a finish, Joleen asked, "What about the mirrors for the tables? What are we going to do for the table without the mirror?" I said something to the effect, "We'll get balloons to put on a couple of the tables, the kids won't even notice a missing mirror. Felicia replied, "But there are mirrors on all the tables." I said, "What?! No way, the box that the mirrors came in said: six mirrors!" Felicia counted the mirrors...seven. I looked and counted the tables again--seven. I walked around to all of the tables to see for myself- seven, again. Wow. Really?! Was our prom dinner really that significant to the Lord, specifically, the decorations for the dinner? The answer came to me just now. The Lord isn't really concerned about the right amount of salt and pepper shakers and center piece decorations, but He is concerned about us. He wants us to know He is aware of us and is involved in the every day seemingly mundane aspects of our life. So when hard times hit, we can look back and remember that the Lord is aware and He will deliver us.

Yesterday, I stopped to talk with a friend, Kristen (name has been changed). She shared she had lost an extremely expensive earring her husband had given her. The earring had been missing for several months and Kristin had been looking for it ever since. She was sad, but was willing to look one more day and then let it go... Today, I ran into Kristin again. She held out her ear--sparkling on her ear was the gorgeous long lost earring. Her smile outshone her earring. More important than finding the earring was Kristin realizing that the Lord was aware of her. More valuable than diamonds is the knowledge that He is in this existence with us--at times, this disappointing, painful and heartbreaking existence. Yet, His message is clear: He will deliver, save, even redeem us. And as a side note, it has been my experience, His saving comes according to His time frame not ours.  I'm reminded of the Lord's words in the Gospel of Matthew as He addressed his disciples. The Lord speaks of the fowl of the air, they don't labor much for their food, but God provides for them. The lilies of the field were created for the soul purpose of our enjoyment, and the the grass of the field, here one day cast in the oven the next. Yet, God watches over all of these. "Are ye much better than they?" Matt. 6:28

In the car this morning, I shared the prom dinner experience with my kids. My Anna wittingly responded: "It was a "mirror-acle!" I wholeheartedly agree.

God Looketh on the Heart

Many posts on Face book I skip; especially if they're more than two sentences long! Unless, it's my life-time friend, DeeDee Hansen Lambert. She gets my thoughts reeling. I've had to examine my beliefs more than once or twice. Her latest post was about dressing modestly. She voiced her concern that her girls were being judged for wearing something that was not regarded as "modest". Here is my response to my friend:



"OK- I don't know if you read my responses to your thought provoking comments and questions, but I want to thank you, because your questions get me thinking...So, concerning the modesty thing. I've been thinking a little bit more about the Mormon culture of modesty. And here is what I think... the "black and white" of dressing appropriately to be modest is the "law of Moses"--meaning the lesser law: the law to protect. The higher law is our virtue and only God can be the judge of that. The Pharisees lived the law of Moses to the fullest; only taking a certain amount of steps on the Sabbath etc. But the higher law was to honor God on that day and only God could see their devotion to Him. http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bd/pharisees?lang=eng Let me explain; I have been shamed by boys, etc. because how I have dressed. And I will never forget what my sweet 4 or 5 year old Anna said when she pulled out an old college formal I had that was sleeveless. She said: "Dad is a man of God, Mom...she's made some mistakes." Funny, right? But that is how she saw the world; sleeveless=not modest/not good, if it had sleeves= good and modest. My girls also used to gasp when they saw photos of me in a bikini--which is all of my (young)swimsuit photos! Now, they don't. Because they have matured in their understanding- God is the judge of my heart. It's like when we teach our kids not to smoke and they see someone smoking and say; "Ewwwwwww" so loud that we want to die!! But as they get older and more mature, they know not to judge a smoker. They understand the principle not to smoke is for protection and not a license to judge someones character. Now my girls understand that the Lord just wants to protect us and dressing modestly can help. But judging if someone is virtuous is His judgement only! What someone looks like on the outside does not always reflect the soul. My sister had a boyfriend that made her walk out of his house backward because he didn't want his parents to see her backless dress. That was shaming to her. Not the right choice for him. But that is all he knew. He didn't understand the higher law was to love my sister. And dressing modestly was a way to protect us and not a license for a boy or his parents to judge her goodness or virtue. Also- now, as a parent and as a wife, I understand how visual men can be. Therefore, I understand dressing modestly is a form of protection and not a declaration of virtue. God is the judge of our virtue. "...for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7 love you. Suze

Seeking A Samaritan

At 11:00 this morning, still in my pajamas, I was sitting down to start blogging when the door bell rang.  It was my neighbor's daughter. (I will call her Jeana.) She was locked out of her house and her phone battery was dead. I invited her in. First things first, we found a phone charger and then I offered Jeana the healing balm of a Ghirardelli brownie. Now, this doesn't sound like an out of the ordinary event for a late Sunday morning, but to me- it was extraordinary. I've only met Jeana a few times. However, I feel I know her. I know her because her life's situation mirrors my sisters'. Jeana is a single mother and struggles with addiction. My sisters are single mothers and addicts as well. I felt so much love for Jeana as we talked about our commonalities; love, fear, guilt, shame and hope.

My kids were heroes--allowing me to indulge in conversation while they got ready for church on their own. Natalie reminded me it was 12:30 and I had a short time to get ready for church. I excused myself from Jeana and went and took a shower. I told my kids to go on to church without me. Sarah volunteered to take the kids on her own. I continued to get ready as Jeana kept checking to see if her parents had returned home. With still no way into her house, I asked her if she wanted to walk with me to church. With a good charge on her phone, Jeana agreed to walk with me. A mile and a half later and sweating (thank you California December weather!!) Jeana and I walked into the chapel. The Christmas program was lovely- but all I could think about was Jeana and her openness and vulnerability in trusting me enough to knock on my door and then to walk with me...

After the Christmas program was over, Jeana asked if I could take her home. She said her parents would be home shortly.  I got the van keys from Scott and drove her back the mile and half we had just walked. Jeana expressed her gratitude for our time together. I told her she had made my Christmas. Earlier in our conversation, I shared with Jeana that I am unable to help my sisters in a physical way because of my living in a different state. And yet, I pray that if I extend a hand to someone--that maybe God will guide someone to my sisters and they will invite my sisters in and "charge their batteries."



In the parable of the good Samaritan, we often think of the Samaritan as the hero because of his good deeds. But I believe there is something more in "helping" our neighbor than in the described actions of the Samaritan. I believe the Samaritan felt humbled that God had placed someone in his path that he could love. Someone that he could serve to show his love for his brother and as an extension--his God. I can not claim the highest level of loving my neighbor--I invited Jeana in my life today in hope that someone will invite my sisters in, love them and maybe- just maybe walk with them.

Cowpoke Cafe vs. The Griddle

Over the Thanksgiving break, we took our first road trip from Nor Cal to Boise, ID. (I know, I know- can you say: Holy Sciatica?!) We did take a break for "Linner" on the way to Boise and on the way back home. To pass the time, I interviewed the kids to see what restaurant they liked best. We used the rating system similar to the reality TV show "Four Weddings". (Yes, it is evident that when we stay in a hotel, cable channel TLC has my teenagers' full attention--scary!!) On the way to Boise, we ate at the Cowpoke Cafe in Lovelock, Nevada. On the way home, we ate at The Griddle in Winnemucca. According to the Fabulous Five, the results are as follows: Cowpoke Cafe: Venue-16pts,  Food-22pts,  Uniforms-16pts,  Overall-20pts. The Griddle: Venue-14pts,  Food-17pts,  Uniforms-16pts and Overall-18pts. The Cowpoke Cafe wins!! So, if you are ever traveling through Lovelock, tell 'em the Fab Five sent ya!

I also asked Scott and the kids what were some of their memories of our Boise Thanksgiving. Before I share Max's memory, let me preface by mentioning Max gets car sick. He attempts to sleep as much as he can- Dramamine induced or by sleep deprivation. On our way home from Boise, Max woke up as we stopped for a break and said: "I had the MOST AWESOME dream about a never ending fig newton!" Hilarious, right?! Sarah's favorite memory is of the guy at the hotel cocktail hour (sprite and root-beer for us) offering his free drink tickets to us. Sarah quoting the guy at the bar: "Hey, the free drinks are on me!" Natalie loved babysitting her second cousin, Grace and free Wi-Fi access at the hotel! Scott glowed with pride when the guy offering us the free drinks told Scott he sensed our children's goodness. Anna's favorite activity was watching Dr. Who on grandma's i- pad and hangin' with April. Sadie loved hanging out in the hot tub and swimming with her cousins. Fab Five consensus: seeing the movie Frozen rocked! One of my favorite activities was listening to my kids. Here are some of the funny things they said: "Stop that or your legs are gonna become pretzels!"  Another good one:  While we were waiting for our food at The Griddle, Sadie was making some strange sounds. I thought she was about to throw up! Annoyed, Sarah asked; "What are  you doing!?" Sadie replied, "I'm pretending to sleep with my eyes open." Oh! my goodness- kids are the best!!

Speaking of the awesomeness of kids...this is a picture of confetti that Natalie made for me. I had out-patient surgery a couple of months ago and when Scott and I returned home at 3:00 AM from the hospital- we were greeted with confetti a la Natalie style!








Continuing the "Awesome kid happenings" theme, Sadie wrote her "Bucket List" a couple of weeks ago:
1. Make a puppet  2. Make some gloves for Emma 3. Make some gloves for me 4. Ride in an airplane 5. Ride in a hot air balloon  6.Go to Hawaii 7. Get a car  8. Get a puppy  9. Make a company 10. Make a robot 11. Have three children 12. Make a friend 13. Tell everything to come true on this list

My Bucket List: see Sadie's.