Are We Not All Beggars?

 In the summer of 1992, I returned from New York City to my home in Sandy, UT.  In the months following my return, I decided to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I received my mission call to serve in Auckland, New Zealand. My departure date was set for January 1993. And so, I was home in Utah for the biting rocky mountain winter. 

Trying to live up to my desire to serve our fellowman, I thought I would be clever and deliver a few blankets and tooth brushes to the homeless under the 4th street viaduct in downtown Salt Lake City. I drove to Salt Lake City in my dad's green Ford Bronco. I was a 27 year old woman, going to the 4th street viaduct, by myself--possibly noble, but not smart. I arrived and successfully delivered the goods and made my way back to the Bronco. I got in the truck and turned the ignition-it sputtered but did not start. I tried again. Same results. Becoming more and more frantic, I kept trying to turn over the engine, a man approached my window. "Holy Cow!" I thought, "I have to get this thing working!" He tapped on the window. I pretended not to see him. He tapped again. I had to acknowledge him. I hesitantly rolled down the window. He asked if I had jumper cables. I told him, no. He walked over to the street and flagged down a car.  He got a car to stop and asked the driver for cables. The homeless man returned to my truck and told me to pop the hood. He hooked up the cables to the batteries in each car. The homeless man asked me to start the engine... it worked!. Hall-e-stinkin'-lu-jah! Incredibly humbled, I thanked the man. As I drove away, I reflected on how I thought I was being the helpful one- giving to others of my abundance. But in reality, this man, living on the streets, having no resources- found a way to help me. In that moment, He was my Savior. "For behold, are we not all beggars ? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have..." Mosiah 4:19

Last night, we climbed into our 1999 Plymouth Voyager and drove to San Jose to see the lights at Christmas in the Park and to visit the Giving Machine. The Giving Machine is a unique vending machine where individuals can purchase items such as: water for an individual for a year, polio vaccines, a basketball or a meal to be delivered to those in need. On our way down to San Jose, I was thinking, "How come some individuals are born with access to clean water and others are not?" I don't know the answer, but I do know that those of us that do have access to having our needs met (including spiritual and emotional needs) have a responsibility to care for those that do not.

In preparing to write this entry, I read an address by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the same title: "Are We Not All Beggars?" My words are just a faint echo of his and others. 

"Given the monumental challenge of addressing inequity in the world, what can one man or woman do? The Master Himself offered an answer. When, prior to His betrayal and Crucifixion, Mary anointed Jesus’s head with an expensive burial ointment, Judas Iscariot protested this extravagance and “murmured against her.” Jesus said:

“Why trouble ye her? she hath wrought a good work. …

“She hath done what she could.”

“She hath done what she could”! What a succinct formula! A journalist once questioned Mother Teresa of Calcutta about her hopeless task of rescuing the destitute in that city. He said that, statistically speaking, she was accomplishing absolutely nothing. This remarkable little woman shot back that her work was about love, not statistics. Notwithstanding the staggering number beyond her reach, she said she could keep the commandment to love God and her neighbor by serving those within her reach with whatever resources she had."

In this new year, I want to serve like the homeless man that flagged down a car to help me and love as Mary did, anointing the Savior. I want to do what I can and wrought a good work.

Because of My Mother---Practically Perfect Miss Penny

Yesterday morning, I walked briskly up Alcatraz Ave in Berkeley California, frazzled from my late start and hour drive. As I neared the Shawl-Anderson Dance Studio, my frayed nerves turned to sweet and tender feelings. Yesterday was my mom's- Miss Penny's 78th birthday. When I think of my dancing mom, I think of that scene in White Christmas when Danny Kaye and his corps de ballet perform Choreography.  This scene comes to mind because my mom loves Danny Kaye! And while other dancers were involved in the more familiar and acceptable forms of dance, Miss Penny was "doing choreography" (modern dance). Because of my mother, I dance.

Miss Penny and her teen dancers

In a wonderfully warm and muggy studio, my morning continued. As I was executing my less-than grand battements, I reflected on how my life has been blessed by dancing- dancing that started with Miss Penny. When we were young, my mom taught in our basement. First as an additional income, followed by the needful income of a single mother. When my mother remarried, we finished the "studio" and she resumed teaching in the basement.  As my sisters and I grew, so did her students. A dance student of Miss Penny's "graduated" as soon as leaping was no longer an option in the low-ceiling basement. Because of my mother, I grew.

Dancing with our make-shift tambourines (aka lids to instant potatoes)

During class, my heart was filled with gratitude as I delighted in being able to move my 54 year old body and perhaps more poignant, the beautiful connections and relationships I've encountered because of dance. When I asked one of my dance teachers if I could take a picture with her in honor of my mom's birthday, she said: "I'm happy it's her birthday because of her, we have you." Holy Cow! Aren't those THE most kind words EVER?! My dance teachers, students and peers have delivered immeasurable joy. Because of my mother, I love and feel loved.

Susan McClain Smith, University of Utah, 1990

University of Utah MFA friends

The most considerable blessing along side my mother teaching me to dance, grow and love is her example of faith in a perfect loving Heavenly Father and in His divine son, Jesus Christ. My mother's faith- now my own, has brought peace to my soul in times of turbulence and grief. In the Book of Mormon, in the book of Alma, we learn of Helaman. In approximately 65 A.D., Helaman lead an army of physically strong and courageous young men. These warriors were steadfast even in times of battle and great distress. The source of strength in these young men is explained: "Yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them. Because of my mother, I doubt not, but believe.

Max, mom, me and my sister, Hailee

Happy Birthday, Practically Perfect Miss Penny. 

Miss Penny and her Ginny Gown dancers

Fleas versus the Paris Opera

Actual size of New Zealand fleas

 

 

When I was 27, I left my oscillating dance career to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Several months earlier, I was living and dancing in New York City. When I left New York, I thought I was returning to my native Utah to marry my boyfriend. But when I returned, my boyfriend had decided his dating days were not quite over. Several months later, I made the decision to serve a mission. After making this decision, I was concerned others might think I was running away from a broken heart. (Admittedly, running away was a part of the equation!) When I shared my concerns with my ecclesiastical leader, he replied, "It doesn't matter." I don't know if he meant: it doesn't matter what others think or it doesn't matter because regardless of the reason of wanting to serve, the decision to serve a mission is still a good idea. So, I made preparations to leave. Besides running away, I did have other- more benevolent reasons for wanting to serve. I had found peace in Christ's teachings and I wanted to share that peace with others.

Opéra National de Paris

 

 

 

 

After serving in New Zealand for 6 months, I received a letter from my friends in the 

Nikolais/Murray Louis Dance Company. They were dancing at the Pairs Opera- one of the most famous opera houses in the world! I was jealous and discouraged. I was living in a flea invested basement flat, wearing a navy blue skirt and riding a bike around town! Ugh! My life was definitely not the seemingly glamorous life my friends were living- dancing at the Paris Opera! After receiving their letter, I was at a low point. Straight-away, I did the only thing I could think to do: I went into the bathroom and knelt beside the green fiberglass bathtub and prayed. I cried, "Dear Heavenly Father, is dancing all that bad? I don't get it. I feel so sad." After several moments of pouring out my heart to God, the following thought came to my mind: "If...if you truly want to be like Jesus Christ- this is the way." And so I was taught. Of course, dancing is praiseworthy and a gift from God. And yet, for me, coming to know my Savior required me to serve and share His teachings.

Since returning from my mission 25 years ago, my main goal in life has been to become more like Jesus Christ. I'm grateful for the ecclesiastical leader that saw beyond my immediate heart-break and understood when we serve our Savior, we come to know Him and desire to be more like Him. It's been years since my mission in New Zealand, and I'm far from being like my Savior. Consequently, I will continue to find ways to serve Jesus Christ and learn of Him. He is my exemplar, my master, my brother and my friend. 

Me and my missionary hair, 1993

"If thou hadst been here, my brother had not died."

Stephanie, my oldest sister, was found lifeless on the floor of her apartment on Dec. 25, 2018. In the days following, my younger sister would text me and say: "What if I would have done this... or that...maybe Stephanie would still be alive."

When death or tragedy strike, all of us wonder "what if..." or "only if...". We can't do that to ourselves. We are not omniscient. And no one is to blame. Life happens- good things and bad things; sometimes because of our choices, but most of the time, because we live in a very imperfect world with imperfect people and circumstances.

And so how do we make sense out of nonsensical situations? Sometimes we don't find the answers straight-away. But sometimes, glimpses of truth break through the nonsense and heartache. I had one of those moments today.

Today was our "Stake Conference". It is a worship gathering of all of the members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints congregations here in our Nor Cal community. One of the speakers was Sister Linda Hunt. She and her husband, President Truman Hunt preside over all of the missionaries serving in the California, San Jose mission. Sister Hunt recounted the description of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead found in the New Testament Book of John. In the record of John, we learn when Jesus heard of Lazarus' sickness, he didn't rush to his side straight-away. In fact, Jesus lingered in another city for several days. He told his disciples- "Our friend Lazarus sleepeth; but I go, that I may awake him out of sleep." With a sigh of relief, His disciples offered: "Lord, if he sleep, he shall do well." They didn't understand the Savior was speaking metaphorically. "Then said Jesus unto them plainly, Lazarus is dead."

John's account shares how both Mary and Martha, Lazarus' sisters share a sentiment we all have when sadness comes..."if only, what if..." "Then said Martha unto Jesus, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died." Jesus replies: "Thy brother shall rise again." Martha assumed Jesus was speaking of the resurrection- which is true in part. But Jesus was also speaking of in this life, immediately, before the resurrection. The Savior- Jesus Christ, their family friend was going to raise Lazarus from his death of four days! Sister Hunt in her retelling of this account shared: Mary and Martha were seeing with their natural eyes- what they saw in front of them, then and there- Lazarus was dead. But Jesus Christ is omniscient and knew the full story- the eternal story. Lazarus would rise and live that very day.

My epiphany came when I realized I had been seeing with my "natural eyes" in contrast to the Savior's eternal perspective. Said He, "And I am glad for your sakes that I was not there, to the intent ye may believe." If Jesus didn't allow Lazarus to die, no miracle would have been performed that day. Like Lazarus, Stephanie's death came as a trial, but it also provided an array of seemingly small yet extraordinary miracles and tender mercies-- "to the intent ye (I) may believe." Stephanie will not be raised from her death today, but she will rise again. My miracle wasn't the raising of Stephanie's body four days after her death. My miracle was in the witnessing of the goodness of family, friends, strangers and the healing of hearts. Possibly, the greatest miracle is in my increased desire to trust in God and follow the Savior.

"For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known." 1Corinthians 13:12

Stephanie Kathryn Tracy, Jan 27, 1963 - Dec. 25, 2018

Jennifer Thompson Sandke, Jan. 29, 1974 - Mar. 17, 2018

Royal Kent Walker, Feb. 28, 1941 - Sept. 1, 2017